The biggest problem with self-talk has been that it has often been inaccurate. All observations benefit from multiple points of view; and, being human, we have sometimes seen the world as though we were wearing blinders. If we’ve constantly told ourselves that there’s something wrong with us, we likely have begun to believe and act on that negative self-talk.
If we are to use self-talk effectively, we want to keep and grow what works to move us forward, but discard – as quickly as we can – what doesn’t work. Among the best ways to eliminate what doesn’t work is to reality check our thinking with people who will tell us the truth – at least as they see it.
Who do you have in your life whom you can trust to give you frank, useful and hopefully compassionate feedback about yourself? Do you seek out the opinions of others whom you trust? Can you see how desirable it is for us to have this kind of information to help us form more objective opinions about ourselves and the resulting self-talk?