There was a very bright woman in my high school French class in senior year who, each time we had a test, would announce dramatically that she was going to fail. Inevitably, she would get an “A,” and usually the best grade in the class. She taught me about what I call “pre-emptive strikes” – attacking ourselves before someone else can.
Most of us have beaten ourselves up pre-emptively. Consider behaviors like apologizing in advance, being “sorry” for delivering bad news that we had no part in creating, or calling ourselves names or using self-deprecating language about our abilities and accomplishments.
What would happen if you cultivated a life where attacking of all kinds was unnecessary? Can you imagine a life without the hierarchy of someone’s being “right” which required someone else to be “wrong”? Often, we’ve beaten ourselves up to avoid what we have feared would be even worse treatment at the hands of another.
The more you lose the perception that you have to be beaten up for some imagined purpose – for example, to “fit in,” to “please,” to “appease” – the happier your life will be. Punishment is unnecessary for emotional issues. Experiment with leading your life with expanding compassion and self-love.
What is your level of commitment to ending the old habits of beating yourself up, especially with “pre-emptive strikes”?