How would your life be different if you trusted differently? In other words, what effect does the depth and quality of your trust have on your life?
Some people report that they trust to excess, some trust too easily, some not at all, and some in what feel like random ways. It *could* be true that our results largely depend on how much we consider trusting to be a skill set that can be developed, enhanced and – ultimately – mastered.
Who taught you to trust? What kind of guidance did you receive, and has it been useful or hurtful? Have you been taught about trust more by trial and error – or by a more organized and intentional means?
Would you consider your trusting yourself to be a matter of personal growth that, with focus, could be addressed in a way that has your life be happier and more fulfilling? If not, why not? What are the alternatives?
How much do you trust your life?
After a client meeting this week, a very talented colleague was surprised that I shared an opinion that he said he had not been sufficiently comfortable to share. He said, “I should trust myself more.”
Goethe said, “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
What are the implications of trusting yourself? Perhaps that . . . you keep your own counsel, you are willing to honor your instincts, you know yourself and what matters to you . . . and you’re willing to take risks to be true to your core values.
When you trust yourself, courage comes both more easily and more frequently. You’re less willing to be a pleaser and more willing to honor your life with choices that you clearly make . . . rather than those choices that are made for you, either directly by others, or indirectly by inherited belief systems and customs.
What is the degree to which you trust yourself? Has your ability to trust yourself increased or diminished over time? Who is your best role model for trusting herself or himself?
Great feedback about trusting yesterday, including this from a great friend and generationally-talented artist, “You can trust . . . just don’t trust people.” It’s said, I’m sure, tongue in cheek, yet many of us have acted from that perspective in the past.
Fact is that we humans have let others down. We have ignored our promises. We have broken trust. Yet, we want to be trusted and to be trustworthy. And we desperately want to trust.
Someone said: “In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours.”
What is the nature of your relationships of trust that bind? How solid are they? What can they withstand? How confident are you of them no matter what?
Do you trust situations, animals, organizations, institutions more than you trust people? What changes would you like to experience in trusting other humans? How has your ability to trust been damaged? How can it be healed?
A controversial contemporary of Freud, Alfred Adler, wrote:
“Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement.”
When considering whom to trust, one compares words and deeds. When Adler speaks of “movement,” he is referencing action like the old saying, “Action speaks louder than words.” He goes beyond that comparison to say that “only” movement – action – can be trusted. He basically discounts words altogether.
How much do you trust words in comparison to actions? Are you generally trusting of words, or do you need movement to back them up? What personal guidelines have you developed in deciding whom to trust relative to talking versus movement?
Has there been a difference between your own words and your actions? If so, what accounts for that difference? How have you addressed it in your key relationships?
Headlines over the last few years have been saturated with stories about trust gone bad. Confidences broken, tales told, sacred commitments thrown away.
Trust is a complex topic. Trust is faith and belief in the veracity of a human being or in a human organization. Knowing who to trust is among the most important decisions for anyone. Whom do you trust? And on what bases?
The flagship British Petroleum gas station at the corner of Olympic and Robertson in Los Angeles – the one that was so futuristic with the big green and yellow flower BP logo (“beyond petroleum” – supposedly so “green”) – is now, suddenly, an Arco station.
No BP signage anywhere. An interesting trust issue since BP owns Arco. It’s just a simple name change. Can’t say that it makes me trust BP any more – probably a little less trust in that its intent seems to be to deceive.
Have you ever experienced an individual or a business trying to gain your trust – and then deceiving you? How do you make the decision about whom to trust? What would you teach your children about trusting?